April Fools

by Colleen Meosky It’s no secret that the Buffalo Sabres roster includes many Swedish names. It was the reason why the team was selected...

After years of bartering and negotiations, North and South have both successfully obtained approval to start Unity in Diversity clubs on the same scale...

East’s beloved English teacher Mrs. Lanzone is returning to East for the 2024-2025 school year, following a year of teaching 7th graders at Heim Middle School. She will be teaching AP English Language, English 10A, and English 11A, much to the delight of suffering AP Lang students across the grades!

In a heartbreaking and unexpected announcement, East’s administration has recently announced that both the beloved Junior Dinner Dance (JDD) and Senior Prom have been canceled for this school year. This news comes in the wake of an increase in use of a vape-able caffeine called Celsi-vape and the cost of repairing the plumbing connected to three of the boys' bathrooms. Both reasons are unrelated but contributed to the decision.

In a shocking turn of events, the Sabres upset the Flyers last night 4-2, ending their 18 game losing streak. This victory was a longtime coming for the miserable Sabres fan base and struggling players.

Florida is considered to be one of the weirdest states in the United States of America. From the infamous Florida Man to alligators to the blood-sucking mosquitoes, Florida is its own country at this point. Even President Carl Wheezer has stated that Florida was “a strange place that shouldn’t be associated with America”. Upon the president’s statement, hundreds and thousands of Americans have started up campaigns and petitions to fully remove Florida from the United States.

As the Class of 2024 is finishing up their college application season, new information has been released by the Guidance Department. Due to many students failing to follow the proper rules for an Early Decision Application, many top Ivy League Universities have blacklisted Williamsville East High School.

Summer is on its way, and with it comes the annual tradition of trips to local zoos. However, this summer might not be as fun for our primate compatriots as previous years with the introduction of new health and safety procedures to be implemented nationwide. The Health Association For Animal Recreational Training (HA-FART) has now recommended that all primate and primate-adjacent species should be trained to assist zoo employees with enforcing mask and social distance policies for all guests.

Since its debut in September, Genshin Impact has amassed a dedicated playerbase of almost forty million active players. Part of what brings in these players are the 5 star characters. Headed by an intriguing story of mystery and betrayal, especially in the second act of the Liyue chapter, starring 5 star characters as Zhongli, Xiao, and Ganyu. Solely on mobile, these three Liyue featured characters brought in over $45.4 million in revenue for miHoYo.

After much wait (nearly four years), Lorde is releasing the first single from her new album. With her last studio album, Melodrama, being released in 2017, many fans have been clamoring for content since. Due to many artists opting to announce and release albums online during the pandemic, fans have been hoping Lorde will follow suit.