#speednap: The Race to Snooze Causing Scores of Snores
TikTok trends are no stranger to the school environment. A new trend has swept through the East hallways:
"#speednapping.”
Prince Philip Caught With a Cultural Artifact to Gain Immortality (April Fools Edition)
A major scandal has rocked the United Kingdom once again. The BBC has reported that Prince Philip has been caught at an unknown location in the Middle East with the Holy Grail. Reports say that Prince Philip used the Grail to achieve immortality. The Grail was reported stolen after an American archaeologist was last seen with it in the 1930s. Buckingham Palace has quickly issued a statement saying, “We strongly deny any accusation made against Prince Philip that he achieved immortality through stealing a cultural artifact.” In June, Prince Philip turns 100 years old and people have often asked how he has achieved his level of longevity. It seems that people finally have the answer to that question, stealing cultural artifacts. Given that he is a member of the Royal Family, Prince Philip cannot be charged with a crime.
It’s Official: Mrs. Lanzone is Coming Back!
East’s beloved English teacher Mrs. Lanzone is returning to East for the 2024-2025 school year, following a year of teaching 7th graders at Heim Middle School. She will be teaching AP English Language, English 10A, and English 11A, much to the delight of suffering AP Lang students across the grades!
East, You Lost Your JDD and Prom Rights
In a heartbreaking and unexpected announcement, East’s administration has recently announced that both the beloved Junior Dinner Dance (JDD) and Senior Prom have been canceled for this school year. This news comes in the wake of an increase in use of a vape-able caffeine called Celsi-vape and the cost of repairing the plumbing connected to three of the boys' bathrooms. Both reasons are unrelated but contributed to the decision.
East Adds New Language Class: Pig Latin
In light of growing recognition for all cultures and languages, East has decided to add one of the most profound, enlightening languages of the world to the classes offered in the year of 2024-2025.
APRIL FOOLS – Console Release Dates To Be Pushed Back Due To COVID-19
Mounting consoles release date concerns should be hushed, at least for a moment. Speculation has pointed towards their big next-gen console getting pushed...
A Titanic Announcement: Leonardo DiCaprio Finally Dates Woman Above 25
It’s truly a Titanic romance! Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are officially reunited, but this time, they’ve finally announced that they’re dating!
APRIL FOOLS – RussiaCo Company Profile
While the DOW Jones and nearly every company might be taking hits right now, one new company that recently established itself has been...
To Caffeinate or Not to Caffeinate — That Is the Question (And Mr. Huber...
Our very own beloved Mr. Huber has started a Caffeinators Anonymous Club for recovering caffeine addicts (“and those who may be in denial about their consumption rate.”)
