Saturday, May 18, 2024

#speednap: The Race to Snooze Causing Scores of Snores

TikTok trends are no stranger to the school environment. A new trend has swept through the East hallways: "#speednapping.”

East, You Lost Your JDD and Prom Rights

In a heartbreaking and unexpected announcement, East’s administration has recently announced that both the beloved Junior Dinner Dance (JDD) and Senior Prom have been canceled for this school year. This news comes in the wake of an increase in use of a vape-able caffeine called Celsi-vape and the cost of repairing the plumbing connected to three of the boys' bathrooms. Both reasons are unrelated but contributed to the decision.

East Adds New Language Class: Pig Latin

In light of growing recognition for all cultures and languages, East has decided to add one of the most profound, enlightening languages of the world to the classes offered in the year of 2024-2025.

WCSD Board of Education Generously Revised Next Year’s Schedule Yet Again

At the Community Forum on March 26th, the Williamsville Central School District Board of Education made more changes to an already-amended calendar for next year. In the latest version, the board added some more days that we will have off next year. And now, after even more additions, it is as if we don’t really have school at all. 

Extreme Ironing Teams are Coming to East

It’s official—the Williamsville East athletic department has announced that East will be adopting New York State’s new school sport, extreme ironing, starting in the winter season of the 2024-2025 school year.

A Titanic Announcement: Leonardo DiCaprio Finally Dates Woman Above 25

It’s truly a Titanic romance! Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are officially reunited, but this time, they’ve finally announced that they’re dating! 

Mr. Belling to Resume Hollywood Career

After 24 long years, Mr. Belling has announced that he will be going back to Hollywood, Los Angeles, California, to start editing movies and TV series again after the close of the 2023-2024 school year. He has stated that the resolution of the Hollywood strikes in late 2023 was the final push of inspiration he needed to make this career jump back to film.

Putting the COKE in Coca-Cola: The Reintroduction of Cocaine Back Into the Popular Soft...

Over the last few years, Coca-Cola has introduced a variety  of new Coke flavors, including Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke,  Zesty Blood Orange, and Coke with Coffee. None have had the desired effect of dramatically increasing sales for Coca-Cola, the manufacturer of the Coke Beverage.

When Pigs Fly: First Known Species of Flying Rodent Discovered in Connecticut

Making up 40% of the world’s mammal population, rodents are a diverse and hardy group of animals. They can be found thriving in great open plains, muddy rivers, and freezing tundra, all while surviving mainly off of grasses and plants. In addition to their excellent survival skills, rodents also are among the most intelligent of mammals, exhibiting complex skills such as cognitive biases towards certain objects and even possible metacognition (awareness of one’s thought processes).

Redmond 2024: Dr. Redmond’s Bid for Presidency

Fear him or love him, East teacher Dr. Redmond will be running as an Independent candidate in the 2024 general presidential election.

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