Thursday, March 28, 2024

Bombshell Study Shows that the Entirety of Last Year Never Happened (April 1st Edition)

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According to a new peer-reviewed study, all of humanity has been in one long fever-dream since January 1st, 2020. The research claims that there has- in fact- been no global pandemic, boiling racial tensions, or attempted coups in the last year.

Honoring This Year’s Retirees! (April 1st Edition)

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For the heart and soul of the music department, a 190 foot marble statue of our beloved band teacher, Dr. Shewan, has been constructed to recognize his 190 years of service to this school.

Giorgio Fontana: The Explorer Who Was Erased From History (April 1st Edition)

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Your teachers, your school, your country, and even Tim and Moby, have been lying to you.

Sabres Win a Game (April 1st Edition, We Hope)

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In a shocking turn of events, the Sabres upset the Flyers last night 4-2, ending their 18 game losing streak. This victory was a longtime coming for the miserable Sabres fan base and struggling players.

Trump’s National Library Will be One Folder of All His Tweets (April 1st Edition)

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As of now, the library is planned to be constructed in the middle of Fifth Avenue and will be made entirely of solid gold, including all of his signature writings.

Ted Cruz Denies Terminally Ill Child Final Wish to Visit Senate, Cites “Capitol Security...

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Last week, the Texas Senator voted to deny a terminally-ill 11 year old’s dying wish to visit the senate while it was in session on the basis of “Capitol Security Concerns”.

Teachers Can See Your Tabs In New Zoom Update (April 1st Edition)

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Get ready because teachers are already able to update their Zoom accounts. Here are some things you need to know about these new updates.

Local Teacher Dissed by Government Issued Cease and Desist (April 1st Edition)

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By Cian Colgan and Seth Gellman Source: Made by Cian Colgan, original image credit to Tim Trockoe   Williamsville East chemistry teacher and Pendleton conservation board member...

APRIL FOOLS – A Modest Proposal: Year-Long Remote Learning

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Over my previous weeks devoted to frequent meditation and the study of human nature, I have concluded that the shift we see today...

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