Fear him or love him, East teacher Dr. Redmond will be running as an Independent candidate in the 2024 general presidential election.
“Now, I’m not saying I’m planning to take over the world, but I’m not not saying I’m planning to take over the world,” Dr. Redmond said in an interview with the East Side News. (We were fortunate enough to catch Dr. Redmond for an interview between his busy schedule of world domination and making Global students cry.)
“I understand, with great power comes great responsibility. Supreme All-Powerful Overlord Mr. Leader of the Universe Dr. Redmond does have a nice ring to it, though.”
Some of Dr Redmond’s political background includes a Ph.D. in political science, being a delegate in a primary campaign, teaching AP U.S. Government and Politics, and having at least one unsuccessful attempt at taking over Western New York. Dr. Redmond also recently published his book Political Tribalism in America: How Hyper-Partisanship Dumbs Down Democracy & How to Fix It.
Redmond is a self-described Tammany Hall fan and Eisenhower lover. “They’re cool!” he added. “A little money laundering and corruption never hurt anyone!”
Dr. Redmond’s other pursuits include being able to bend spoons with his mind, mind-reading powers, and, of course, being the drummer of Snapcase.
Campaign posters for Dr. Redmond. Images: Pen Fang
An East poll asked eligible students if they planned on voting in the 2024 election, with 50% of students saying “yes.” When asked “Would you vote in the 2024 election if Dr. Redmond was running?”, an overwhelming 90% said “yes.”
Earlier this week, Dr. Redmond announced fellow East teacher Mr. Wright (who teaches AP Macroeconomics, Econ, and US History) as his running mate.
“Sometimes I do Dr. Redmond’s job for him,” Mr. Wright said according to witnesses in his AP Macro class. “Fiscal policy and monetary policy… Big G government… When we take over the world- I mean, if we win this election and peacefully and righteously assume power, I want to be at least Mr. Leader of the Universe. Haha, imagine. ‘Oh, Mr. Wright, Lord of All Things, Mr. Leader of the Universe, please fix the GDP?’ Anyway, as I was saying, the Phillips Curve…”
One of the primary goals of Dr. Redmond’s platform is to outlaw baby corn.
“You cannot underscore the threat baby corn poses. It’s infanticide,” Dr. Redmond said at a rally. “It’s infanticide. They’re taking the corn — when it’s a baby! — and then killing it for the sake of consumption. It’s barbaric.”
The campaign has “big plans” and also a goal to strengthen history education, financial literacy, and political efficacy.
Campaign poster for Dr. Redmond and Mr. Wright. Image: Pen Fang.
One of Dr. Redmond and Mr. Wright’s more controversial campaign goals is to “encourage the kids to go outside and touch grass.”
“Look, I respect Dr. Redmond and his choices,”Armita Rohani, an East student, commented. “But I think that’s a huge overstep of government power. And, I mean, what? Touch grass? Dr. Redmond and Mr. Wright, I feel personally attacked by your targeting of chronically online couch potatoes. You won’t get away with this!”
Critics of Dr. Redmond have deemed his campaign “corny.”
Dr. Redmond refuted, “You think it’s corny? I think it’s a-maize-ing.”
Opposition poster of Dr. Redmond. Image: Pen Fang
