Source: East Literary Digest website

By Jonah Ruddock

The East Literary Digest recently held their annual Bulwer-Lytton contest (named for the novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton and his infamous first line, “There was a dark and stormy night…”), in which students are asked to write the worst opening sentence to a story. The winners, along with all the rest of the gloriously low-quality entries, can be found here for your reading displeasure. 

Philip Baillargeon took first place with a painfully alliterative submission revolving around the unfortunate Ernest Eckerfell. Next came Eleen Waffner with a tangential stream-of-consciousness entry that is a great solution to any insomnia you might have. Aryaman Chutke came in third place with an opener packed with cringe-worthy similes. Leo Yana-Romero earned a dishonorable mention for the outstanding glimpse he offered us into the bowel movements of an orangutan. The winner of the Student Choice Award, selected by readers of the digest, was Carmen Lee-Bennett with her uninspired countdown. 

Join the ELD Google Classroom with code 6yanxh5 to attend future meetings. New members are always welcome. 

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