Source: AP Photo/Alex Brandon

By Ryan Chou

Former President Trump will be receiving a presidential library, just like all his predecessors dating back to Herbert Hoover. In a formal announcement this week, the Office of Presidential Libraries made public its plans for Donald Trump’s hall of history. As of now, the library is planned to be constructed in the middle of Fifth Avenue and will be made entirely of solid gold, including all of his signature writings.

Reportedly, the former president called the Office the hour after President Biden was sworn in, where he began a seven-hour, incoherent rant about how his library should be, “The biggest they have ever seen, maybe ever. You know, it’s true, it really is. I’ve talked to people, great people, seriously, and they say, ‘Sir! They say you’re the greatest president in the history of the world! We’re expecting the greatest presidential library too!’ So, we’ve really got to get it done, it’s gotta be a winner, I’m not a weak, stupid loser like the Deep State.” 

Public financial records detail the Trump Library’s expenses. According to the report, the former president contributed $1.1 billion in campaign funds, which is, coincidentally, slightly over the $1 billion in funding collected for the Obama Presidential Library, to build the structure. Outside of that, an additional $750 was donated from organizations and people dedicated to building these libraries. $980 million was set aside to pay for “Trump’s crippling debt to the Mob”, with another $10 million being used to fund the Millionaire Lives Matter group. With regards to the remaining $110 million, $100 million was used to pay for lawsuit settlements filed by locals in the area, with nearly all the remaining $10 million going towards building the actual library. In the end, $27.50 and a Starbucks buy one get one free coupon was left for filling up the library with documents. Due to these constraints, the committee moved to submit one folder of all of Trump’s tweets (printed in black-and-white as a result of funding shortages) as documents, with certain tweets receiving special placements as-per Trump’s requests, including, “I would like to extend my big wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th”, and the iconic proclamation, “We”. Interestingly, there is no indication that any of the workers involved in building or securing the library are planned to be paid. 

Donald Trump’s library is expected to be completed in the next four years, and it will certainly be interesting to see how it turns out.