APRIL FOOLS – French Courses to be replaced with Canadian

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by Simon Li

In a stunning move, the Williamsville Central School District has decided to replace all French courses with Canadian, effective immediately next year. Those enrolled in French courses will be automatically switched to an introductory Canadian class, says Scott Martzloff, WCSD Superintendent. 

In a later statement, Martzloff clarified why the change happened. “We’ve seen these students, these great French students, they’ve been, well, struggling in these unnecessarily hard classes. Their inner Canadian cannot be fully expressed with these oppressive French classes, which is why we have decided to replace them.”

Canadian courses will start off by introducing students to the essential Canadian phrases such as “eh?” and “aboot”. Students will be immersed in Canadian culture with fun activities such as contests to see who can drink an entire milk bag the fastest. 

Students will also have an opportunity to take an educational field trip every year to Niagara Falls where students can view Canada across the border and observe Canadian culture and lifestyles. The money for this field trip will be allocated from taxpayer money previously used to sustain WITS, which is now reliant on ads.

There are still some problems the district has to sort out in the following months. Canadian teachers have to be tested and sourced directly from Canada, while all current French teachers will be fired. With Canadian teachers in relatively low demand, the district expects to have no difficulty finding suitable candidates for these jobs. 

Students here at East generally have a positive opinion on this sudden change. One freshman, John Flanagan, said that this change is good and more countries should be represented here at East than the ones we have currently. Eric Yang, co-author of “Pebbles and Rocks”, said that this change will be a great addition to the school’s curriculum and will lead to enlightenment. Other people, however, have criticized this move. Sophie Zhu, another freshman, said that this change was pointless and that she’d rather learn another language, which is frankly ridiculous.

“Why not just get a French Canadian?” ESN webmaster Henry Su said while eating a maple flavored Aero bar dipped in Tim Hortons coffee and sprinkled with a dash of socialism. “Seems like the best of both worlds.”

The future of the district is very promising. But whether or not this change will be a success or not, we’ll find out next year.

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