By Jonah Ruddock
Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day is inevitable, and with it, the flood of sappy love poems and flowery Hallmark cards. But never fear! The East Literary Digest is providing an outlet for your dismay. In the upcoming Bad Love Poetry contest, you can channel your unadulterated wrath against the holiday by writing a horrible love poem. Join the Google Classroom with the code 6yanxh5 and submit up to three original entries by February 7th. All submissions will be published on the East Literary Digest website, and a panel of English teachers will decide which three are the worst. Excessive profanity is not appreciated, but otherwise, there are no rules. May your metaphors flounder, your imagery rot, and your muses abandon you.
While you’re at it, you may as well come to the club’s February 11th meeting, where we’ll be reading the work of poet Keith Wilson, author of Fieldnotes on Ordinary Love, in preparation for his future visit. How dare I blaspheme this article with the mention of a book about love, you ask? I suggest you take the anger of this betrayal and use it to write a bad love poem in protest.