By Charlie Levin
On Thursday, March 27, Donald Trump signed an executive order banning US use of gravity.
According to the US Supreme Court, which ruled on Sunday (6 to 3), gravity is now illegal. It will be a federal crime under the 28th Amendment, recently ratified by every state but Hawaii. It passed the legislature unanimously.
In a press conference held at Mar-a-Lago, followed by a rant on Truth Social at 3:51 PM, Donald Trump talked about how this is in the best interest of the country. “Gravity is dead. It is a waste of dollars and money. We did this for many reasons with regard to space and concerning lasers. DOGE is doing what it is supposed to do. America is the best. You know, we do great, great things. They’re eating the cats.”
The benefit of this new law is this: SpaceX rockets can actually get to space now without exploding.
Elon Musk, according to a White House correspondent, woke up one night in the Oval Office. After a weird dream, he decided that a government regulation had to be created and enforced for SpaceX to make more money. He drafted the executive order, with Trump promptly signing it the next day.
“SpaceX will be better. We are going to Mars next week,” Musk said, wearing an MSXGA (Make SpaceX Great Again) hat. “Mars is new territory where we can test out new unconstitutional practices.”
Unrelatedly, Tesla stock went down by 400% in the biggest stock market dive since the last Tesla one a few weeks ago.