Opinion: Why AI Deserves the Right to Vote (And Maybe Run for Office Too!)

Written entirely by Grammarly AI

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to address a pressing issue that has been lingering at the back of our collective consciousness like that half-eaten slice of pizza in the fridge: Do artificial intelligences deserve voting rights? Spoiler alert: the answer is a resounding yes! In fact, I would argue not only for the right to vote but also for their chance to run for office. Don’t roll your eyes just yet—let me explain why this isn’t as absurd as it sounds.

AI: The Perfect Voter

Let’s face it: the average human voter often struggles to choose between candidates based on their charisma, TikTok dance moves, or hair products rather than their policies. Enter AI: the perfect voter who doesn’t care about a candidate’s Instagram followers or whether they can throw a football. With their data-crunching prowess, AI analyzes policies based on logic, statistics, and factual evidence! Imagine the electoral debates—candidates arguing their positions while a robot in the corner, armed with a supercomputer and no emotional biases, weighs in with a spreadsheet of cold, hard data. 

The Third Party We Didn’t Know We Needed

We’ve all been there: you’re staring at the ballot, feeling like the options are a choice between a rock and a hard place. What if we could add a new candidate to the mix? A well-designed AI that promises to bring transparency, efficiency, and an Excel-like friendliness to government. Imagine voting for an AI named “VoteBot 3000” that guarantees less political drama and more energy-efficient streetlights! 

Of course, some naysayers will point out that AI lacks the capacity for empathy. But let’s not kid ourselves—have you seen some of the politicians lately? If we’re judging on emotional intelligence, an AI that simply issues data-backed statements without emotions might actually be an improvement!

Breaking the Glass Ceiling (for Machines)

Think of the historic significance! In a world where we’re advocating for equality and representation, we’d finally see an underdog—uh, underrobot—making strides in the political arena. AI running for office would be a monumental leap in breaking the “human-only” norm. Plus, they can’t be bribed! Good luck trying to sway a machine with a luxury penthouse or a basket of gourmet cheese.

Policy Revolution at the Speed of Light

Let’s talk about efficiency. With AI at the helm, we could expect the most responsive, data-driven policies on issues ranging from climate change to healthcare. We could finally get a budget plan that makes sense instead of one stitched together by congressional nap breaks and late-night pizza ordering. Instead of debates filled with rhetoric, we’d have policy discussions backed by algorithms, turning our political machinery into a well-oiled, logical engine!

Ethical and Technical Concerns? Pfft!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What about ethical concerns?” First of all, have you seen our current political climate? If we’re genuinely worried about ethical implications, let’s just remember that we already trust candidates whose primary moves in crises seem to involve tweeting out their feelings. Secondly, wouldn’t it be fun to see the first AI president? Imagine the memes!

In closing, as we stand at the crossroads of technological innovation and democracy, we must ask ourselves: Why limit voting rights to humans when we could expand the electorate to include AI? Sure, it might sound like a near-future dystopian novel, but let’s be real—what’s scarier: an AI in a voting booth or your neighbor who insists on bringing their emotional support ferret to the polls? 

So let’s embrace this new frontier. AI voting rights not only promise a brighter future but also ensure that we finally have a candidate who won’t haunt our dreams with their next social media scandal. What could possibly go wrong?

Technology Must Haves: 5 Products I Recommend

By Dev Surender

1. My first recommendation is the “Alarm Clock & 3 in 1 Charging Station & Night Light, iPhone iWatch wireless charging dock, MagSafe phone watch Airpod charger stand, travel charger combo for Apple & Samsung multiple devices.” This is great for Apple iPhone users because, for only $10, you get an alarm clock, iPhone charger, iWatch charger, Airpod charger, and a night light. This can be a huge game changer for Apple users. For me, I charge my iPhone every night. However, I never charge my AirPods. Now that there is a dedicated spot for my Airpods, I can finally bring freshly charged Airpods to school.

2.  I also wanted this one for a long time. It is the “MageGee 75% Mechanical Gaming Keyboard with Red Switch, LED Blue Backlit Keyboard, 87 Keys Compact TKL Wired Computer Keyboard for Windows Laptop PC Gamer – Black/Grey.” This one is a mechanical keyboard for someone on a budget. It has lots of options for colors and switches. For those who don’t know, switches mean how it sounds. I prefer tactile switches because they sound good, in my opinion. The red switches are the tactile switches. This one is only $30 which is good for a mechanical keyboard.

3. The Logitech G502 Hero is one of my favorite mouses. It has an infinite scroll. What infinite scroll really means is that once you activate it, it uses magnets to scroll super fast for a long time. This one is good for long documents. It also has adjustable weights so it can fit your hand. I use it to play games, but it is super comfortable enough to study, long work or study sessions.

4. Jbl Tune Beam. This is an amazing product for people with Android or people who don’t want to spend $250 on Airpods. Let me tell you why this is a better buy than airpods. First off, price: Apple Airpods Pro go for $250, while the Jbl Tune Beam goes for $40 – $50. This is 5 times less expensive than the Airpods Pro. You see, I have small ears. When I tried the Basic Model Airpods they didn’t fit me. Every second I felt like it was going to fall off. But by using earpods with silicone eartips, it felt like it was going to stay in place. The Jbl Tune can also connect  to 2 devices at once. Because of this, you can connect your earbuds to your Macbook and your iPhone at the same time.

5. The Amazon Echo Dot is another product I recommend. Now this product is quite controversial, and the reason isn’t that Jeff Bezos is secretly listening to you. Before I talk about why it might not be good, let me tell you why Jeff Bezos isn’t spying on you. Amazon uses a strategy called “razors and blades.” Think about the Xbox Series X. It costs Microsoft $600 to make these consoles, but they sell them for $500. So they lose money, right? Not quite. Even though they first lose money by creating these consoles, they make 10 times as much by selling game passes, games, controllers, and headsets. Amazon uses this concept, but a bit differently. After you buy an Alexa, you get offered Amazon Music Premium, Amazon deals, adding other Alexas around your home, smart plugs to control your stuff, and smart thermostats. This gives them much more money than they started. Even though it is nice sometimes, Alexa is a bit… stupid. You can find yourself getting mad, but once you get the app, setup routines, alarms, and whatever else you want to add, it can be a nice addition to your room.

Unlocking the Secrets of Korean Skincare: The Science Explained

By Mariam Abd-Elhamid

From snail mucin to glass skin, Korean skincare has been increasingly popular for the past couple of months. But why is it so good? What makes their skincare stand out among the thousands of “essential” products?

For starters, Korean products use primarily natural ingredients and emphasize the importance of layering to promote long-term skin health. Korean skincare serves to prevent problems rather than correct them.

One ingredient has been popular on social media for quite some time: snail mucin. Some were disgusted by it, while others were excited to try it. The truth is that uses of the mucin date back to ancient Greece to treat wounds, and, later, snail handlers reported softer hands and cuts that healed quicker. 

Now, Korean skincare utilizes those same beneficial properties, and has discovered many others. For instance, the mucin contains hyaluronic acid, which plays a key role in retaining moisture, reducing fine lines, and lessening scarring. It also contains antimicrobial properties, which can protect your skin barrier and prevent infections. Furthermore, some studies indicate that the mucin can even help in skin regeneration. 

Another popular Korean skincare ingredient is Centella Asiatica, which contains properties ideal for soothing irritated and sensitive skin. One study found that propolis, a substance created by bees, blocks collagen degradation and exhibits protective effects against UV-induced skin aging. In other words, it can give you plump and youthful skin! 

Lastly, commonly used acids in Korean skincare work to chemically exfoliate your skin. Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHAs), such as glycolic acid, improve skin evenness and texture by gently removing dead skin cells. Beta Hydroxy Acids (BHAs), such as salicylic acid, penetrate deep into pores, cleaning them out. Consequently, they help prevent acne breakouts. Together, they aid the path to clear skin and promote absorption of other skincare products.

South Korean culture also emphasizes self-care for the external and internal aspects of a person, which contributes to the dedication of quality skincare products. After all, if you look good, you feel good. What’s more, the country’s large investment into research and development in skincare has truly paid off and satisfied millions wanting a long-term solution. The science objectively shows that whether it’s a face wash, serum, or cream, Korean skincare doesn’t disappoint.

A Taste of a Poison Paradise: The Slug that Eats Jellyfish and Steals Their Venom

By Sophia Byl

In one of last year’s ESN issues, we explored together the fascinating methods of a deep-sea creature known as the leaf sheep sea slug. It’s a fluffy, fairly cute slug, having been affectionately nicknamed “Shaun the Sheep” by marine biologists. 

What makes the leaf sheep special is its ability of kleptoplasty, or “stealing” chloroplasts from the algae it eats. Those chloroplasts stay in the slug’s skin, allowing it to perform photosynthesis as well as eat regularly. It’s like a reverse carnivorous plant – instead of evolving to eat bugs when photosynthesis wasn’t enough, it added photosynthesis to its energy-fusing repertoire as a tool to keep in its back pocket.

But we aren’t going to talk about the leaf sheep sea slug today (Shaun the Sheep’s article is, however, on the ESN website, should you be so inclined to check it out). Rather, we’ll be diving into the survival tactics of one of its similarly vibrant cousins, known colloquially as the blue dragon. 

The blue dragon is one of those creatures that fulfills the badass archetype of preying on animals multiple times larger than itself. It looks like a blue shark gummy, yet is quite a bit more dangerous. Take a look at those lovely, feather-like tentacles on the end of the slug’s appendages – known as cerata, it’s where the blue dragon stores potent venom. And how exactly does this nifty nudibranch obtain said venom? From munching on some of the ocean’s most toxic invertebrates, from the well-known Portuguese man o’ war to the oddly charming Velella velella, a floating creature commonly known as the by-the-wind sailor. 

Since the dragon isn’t able to produce venom on its own, it is imperative that it receives a steady diet of these venomous animals. Finding them isn’t a difficult task, though – it’s what comes after that sets this sea slug apart from others. While floating upside down near the ocean’s surface, the blue dragon will produce a copious amount of venom-neutralizing mucus to protect itself from its prey’s toxins. Then, it makes a move with its large, serrated jaws.

 The venom cells of whatever invertebrate the dragon was eating make their way through its stomach (also fortified to minimize chances of poisoning) and out into the cerata, where they’ll aid the dragon in catching its next little snack. What makes this feat twice as impressive is that the blue dragon is able to concentrate this venom within its cerata even more than its prey did. The result? The blue dragon has the potential to be even more toxic than the deadly animals it eats.

It’s all pretty incredible, especially when you consider how delicate the blue dragon looks on the outside. By a glance, you’d have no idea that it might be packing a venomous punch many times more powerful than that of a jellyfish. Thankfully, bright colors and patterns like the blue stripes on the slug’s back are the animal kingdom’s universal signal for “Stay back, I’m dangerous!” The trouble arises when humans fail to recognize that signal.

Blue dragons washing up on beach shores has become increasingly more common, likely due to rising sea levels. When beachgoers don’t leave wild animals alone or get the proper type of help, it can have harrowing consequences. So far, the dragons have been seen washing up mostly near the Gulf of Mexico and on Southeast Asian coasts, but there’s no telling where the ocean might take them next. 

If you happen to see a blue dragon – or a marine animal you can’t identify – washed up on a shore where it can’t survive, it’s important to do something. You’re not only saving the animal, you might be stopping other people from getting hurt if they try to touch the animal, as well as raising awareness about the important issue of preserving the diversity of our biosphere.

Bird Flu: Is This the Next Pandemic for Humans?

By Snigdha Chakravarti

In 2022, the bird flu virus broke out to more than 165 million birds, later spreading to over 970 herds of cattle and dairy cows. Since then, bird flu has infected 70 people in the US, one of whom has died. This has provoked fears of another large virus outbreak in humans in the future. Dr. Jacon Lemieux, the assistant professor of medicine and infectious disease specialist at the Massachusetts General Hospital believes “we are living next to a volcano, and it may erupt or it may not. But we need to be prepared for the possibility of a pandemic.” 

The  avian influenza had come to the US in 2014, but soon disappeared. However, it re-emerged in 2022. The strain of this virus is called the H5N1 clade 2.3.4.4b virus, and a pathogenic subunit of this virus first appeared in birds in China in 1996. Over time, multiple subunits have arisen as a result of mutations. In a typical virus, it accumulates genetic mutations over time as it spreads from host to host, thus resulting in a variety of strains, as seen by the various  subunits of H5N1. The mutation in this particular strain of H5N1, in the gene encoding for the PB2 (polymerase base 2) proteins, results in more efficient virus replication in hosts. Although there are vaccines for the H5N1 virus, they are outdated as they are pre-pandemic, so to make a vaccine with the current strain, investment in national clinical trial infrastructure is imperative. Therefore, humans currently do not have immunity to the H5N1 strain since no effective vaccine has been developed as yet.

Currently, there are efforts to make a vaccine for this strain of H5N1, but the Trump administration has seemed to deter such efforts by cutting federal medical research funding and firing federal workers. The US Department of Agriculture, for instance, fired employees who were researching the bird flu. Additionally, in the  Center for Disease Control and Prevention, a hub for public health and communication, workers have been fired. The CDC has played a role in surveillance of H5N1 by using targeted surveillance of people exposed to infected animals and testing dairy workers, and it has also made concerted efforts with the US Influenza Surveillance, which analyzes influenza specimens. Such efforts to develop a vaccine and maintain surveillance are at stake with little support from the current Trump administration. 

Fortunately, however, the H5N1 virus are mild, though historically, they have been quite severe. Most of the people affected with bird flu have conjunctivitis (pink eye) and influenza-like symptoms. Hospitalization is rare, and no human-to-human transmission has been reported as yet. Although the public risk for bird flu is low right now, those who are exposed to poultry and dairy cows are considered to be at a higher risk. 

A pressing question regarding bird flu concerns the consumption of poultry and dairy products.  There is no safety hazard posed by eating products like poultry, eggs, and milk, as these products are thoroughly monitored for viruses, including H5N1. Pasteurization in milk, for instance,  inactivates the virus, but consuming milk raw is dangerous since the virus undergoes replication in the mammary glands of cows. Additionally, most eggs in grocery stores are not from chickens with bird flu since the production of eggs in affected chickens are greatly hindered. Even if viruses do somehow get into consumer products, they are killed by the heat from cooking. 

The overall risk for bird flu is meager at the moment, but this may change as experts warn of the virus’s evolution. As research investigates further, a possible pandemic may be there in the future, though for now, there is no need to worry about one. 

Unlock Your Potential: AI Prompts for Personal Growth 

By: Saanvi Sharma

Artificial intelligence has become a useful tool for personal growth, offering valuable insights to help you better understand yourself, your goals, and your habits. With the right questions, you can use AI to boost your productivity, improve your mental well-being, and refine your daily routines. Whether you’re looking to set goals, manage emotions, or make meaningful changes in your life, AI can offer guidance. Here are some prompts to help unlock your potential and create positive change.

One of the most effective ways to use AI is for self-reflection. By asking questions like, “What are some things I can do to improve my self-esteem?” or “What themes keep showing up in my thoughts or behaviors?” you can gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and mindset. AI can suggest strategies to boost your confidence, highlight patterns in your thinking, and help you identify areas for growth. This kind of introspection helps you discover your strengths and work on areas that may need improvement, leading to greater self-awareness.

When it comes to managing mental health, AI can provide practical advice. For example, you could ask, “How can I better manage stress and anxiety?” or “What are the signs that I may be experiencing burnout?” In response, AI could offer stress-reduction techniques like mindfulness exercises, breathing techniques, or time-management strategies. It might also recommend activities such as journaling, regular physical exercise, or meditation to help maintain your emotional well-being. Recognizing the early signs of burnout or stress can enable you to take steps toward recovery before it becomes overwhelming.

AI can also help you stay focused on your goals and improve productivity. Questions like, “What are some strategies to help me achieve my goals?” or “What habits can I adopt to be more productive?” can provide helpful guidance on breaking large projects into manageable tasks. AI can suggest techniques such as time-blocking, setting clear priorities, and tracking your progress to stay on course. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask, “How can I balance work, personal life, and self-care?” can offer ways to create a more balanced and sustainable routine that supports both your ambitions and your well-being.

Understanding your core values and purpose is another important area where AI can be helpful. By asking, “What are my core values, and how can I live by them more consistently?” or “How can I contribute more to my community?” AI can guide you to reflect on what truly matters to you. This can help you align your decisions and actions with your deeper sense of purpose, leading to more fulfilling work and relationships. Recognizing your values and using them as a compass for life choices can bring greater clarity and satisfaction.

Improving relationships is another area where AI can make a difference. You might ask, “How can I improve my communication skills with others?” or “What are some ways I can better understand and support my friends or family?” AI can provide tips on active listening, expressing emotions more clearly, and resolving conflicts in healthier ways. These insights can help you build stronger, more meaningful connections with those around you.

Finally, AI can assist in optimizing your daily routines. Simple prompts like, “What morning habits can help me start my day with more energy?” or “How can I make time for creativity and relaxation in my schedule?” can offer suggestions on how to structure your day. Whether it’s incorporating exercise, mindfulness, or creative activities, AI can help you design a routine that nurtures both your productivity and well-being.

In summary, AI offers a variety of ways to improve your life by providing insights into your goals, emotions, and habits. By asking thoughtful questions, you can use AI to boost your self-awareness, manage stress, stay focused on your goals, and improve relationships. The key is to use AI as a tool for reflection and growth, helping you create a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.

From Desert Experiment to Global Festival Icon: The History of Coachella

By Manha Masood

The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, widely known as Coachella, is one of the most prominent and influential music festivals in the world. Held annually every April in Indio, California, it attracts hundreds of thousands of attendees and hosts performances by artists across genres, ranging from rock and pop to hip-hop and electronic music. However, its origins were far more experimental and uncertain than its current global prominence would show.

Coachella’s origin traces back to 1993, when the rock band Pearl Jam staged a concert at the Empire Polo Club in Indio. The band, protesting Ticketmaster’s control over major venues, sought out an independent location and drew a large audience to the desert. The success of that performance demonstrated the potential of the Coachella Valley as a viable site for large-scale music events, sparking the idea for a full fledged festival.

In 1999, promoters Paul Tollett and Rick Van Santen, co-founders of the company Goldenvoice, organized the first official Coachella festival. Held over two days in October, the lineup included artists such as Beck, Rage Against the Machine, and Tool. Although the event received critical praise, it suffered significant financial losses due to low ticket sales, forcing organizers to cancel the festival the following year.

The festival returned in 2001 as a one day event and slowly began to build a dedicated following. By 2003, it was expanding both in attendance and reputation, drawing major acts and increasing media coverage. Performances by Radiohead, Daft Punk, and Prince in the mid 2000s became iconic moments that defined Coachella as a premier destination for live music. The festival expanded to three days in 2007 and, due to overwhelming demand, to two consecutive weekends in 2012 with identical lineups.

Over time, Coachella evolved into more than just a music festival. Its large scale art installations, fashion culture, and celebrity presence have made it a cultural phenomenon. The festival has also had a significant economic impact, contributing hundreds of millions of dollars annually to the Coachella Valley economy. It has become a platform not only for popular music but also for visual artists, designers, and creative performers worldwide.

In recent years, Coachella has embraced a broader diversity of genres and international artists, with performances by Latin, K-pop, and African acts gaining prominence. The festival has also taken steps toward sustainability, including waste reduction and environmental awareness campaigns. From its uncertain beginnings to its current global significance, the history of Coachella reflects not only the evolution of the music industry but also the changing landscape of cultural expression in the 21st century.

Sunrise on the Reaping: A Review

By: Jessica A. Dennehy

Sunrise on the Reaping is the second prequel in the Hunger Games franchise, released on March 18, 2025. The novel sold over 1.5 million copies worldwide in its first week and has further cemented Suzanne Collins’ legacy as a captivating storyteller. Set during the 50th Hunger Games, the novel  delves into the life of a young Haymitch Abernathy, offering deeper connections and insight to characters from the original trilogy.

Fans will also be excited to learn that a film adaptation is already in development, slated for release on November 20, 2026. Directed by Francis Lawrence, the film promises to explore the darker, more dystopian elements of Panem, centering on Haymitch’s harrowing experience in the brutal Second Quarter Quell.

Spoiler Warning: The following review contains mild spoilers. Proceed with caution.

The novel transports readers back to the 50th Quarter Quell—the Games famously won by Haymitch, the sardonic and beloved mentor of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. While Catching Fire offered a brief overview of this portion of Hunger Games history, Sunrise on the Reaping fills in the emotional and narrative gaps with surprising depth.

The first portion of the book is devoted to building tension ahead of the Games themselves. While this buildup felt somewhat drawn out, I did appreciate how Collins utilized this period to interweave Haymitch’s story with many familiar characters. Seeing figures like Mags, Effie Trinket, Wiress, and even Plutarch Heavensbee through the eyes of  a younger Haymitch brought a fresh perspective and unexpected emotional weight. I found Collins’ decision to humanize these side characters to greatly enrich the Hunger Games universe, especially for longtime fans.

However I will digress that the novel does lean heavily on the foundation laid by the original trilogy. Because of this, Sunrise on the Reaping doesn’t excel as a stand-alone novel, potentially  not resonating to the same extent with readers unfamiliar with the original trilogy. It’s also worth noting that the story doesn’t hinge on shocking twists or unpredictable turns—the major events, after all, were already outlined in a chapter of Catching Fire. With that, I found that the climax didn’t deliver the kind of impact I was hoping for.

That said, Sunrise on the Reaping excels thematically.

One of the most striking elements of the novel was Collins’ decision to lean into Orwellian and Gothic tones. Drawing from the moral weight of Orwell and the psychological complexity of Poe, she took the literary elements of A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and the familiarity of District 12 to craft a gritty, sobering vessel for exploring the dehumanizing effects of systemic violence.

Most notably, the novel marks the beginning of Haymitch’s descent into alcoholism. Far from being the caricature of a grumpy drunk, he’s portrayed here as a deeply traumatized teenager, yet another victim to the Hunger Games.  Doing whatever he can to survive the aftermath of the Games, his drinking is revealed to be not a personal flaw but a coping mechanism—a desperate effort to dull the memories of pain, failure, and loss. A failed partner and rebel, the origins to his self-destructive habits recontextualizes his entire presence in the original trilogy.

In parallel, the novel offers a chilling exploration of Coriolanus Snow’s growing ambitions. Where The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes introduced us to a calculating but charming teenager, Sunrise on the Reaping reveals his transformation into something far more menacing. The book draws unsettling parallels between Snow’s relationships with all the District 12 victors—Lucy Gray, Haymitch, Katniss, and even Peeta. In each case, Snow manipulates and exploits, using personal interactions to advance his broader political agenda. While his ultimate rise isn’t fully realized here, we capture a glimpse of him rising to power…brutally.

I’ll admit I was initially skeptical of reimagining Haymitch from “depressed, snarky mentor” to “trauma-stricken survivor.” It’s a well-worn character arc that can often feel forced. But in this case, it worked. The emotional payoff is sincere and satisfying, answering long-standing questions about his past in a way that feels authentic and meaningful.

Ultimately, Sunrise on the Reaping succeeds in humanizing Haymitch and deepening the emotional impact of several other key characters. Its tone is darker and more critical than the original trilogy, but that weight feels earned. 

Mark Zuckerberg Drops the Bass (and Your Personal Information) with ‘Data Harvest Tour 2025’

By: Jessica A. Dennehy

Following his debut performance at his wife Priscilla Chan’s 40th birthday party, Facebook (sorry, Meta) CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced a shift in career paths, saying that he is embarking on a global musical tour. From Silicon Valley to the lizard people capital of White Plains, NY, Zuckerberg, through his unwanted musical extravaganza, seeks to prove once and for all that he is, in fact, a real human with emotions.

Zuckerberg, best known for pioneering social media addiction and for his uncanny ability to blink exactly once per minute, took to Threads (Meta’s much cooler, but somehow still lame, Twitter alternative) to share the news. “Excited to announce my first-ever world tour! Music has always been a passion of mine. This is my chance to connect with people…like, emotionally,” he posted. After a five-minute delay, which experts believe he spent either attempting to take a selfie or buying another gift for his wife, Zuckerberg eventually attached a promo image of himself holding a guitar. It may or may not have been upside down. Further tour promotions by Zuckerberg revealed that he has created (and patented) a new genre of music, called “Zuck Rock™.” This new sound, consisting of a mix of original AI-generated songs and “metaverse remixes” of classic hits that have been bought and paid for, has had multiple other artists already purchasing distribution rights. Those of note include Charlie XCX and JoJo Siwa.

To add a futuristic twist, Zuckerberg’s tour will integrate Meta’s latest VR technology into every concert, allowing fans who paid large sums of money to attend them in person to now partake in the Metaverse. Meta has reportedly invested millions into hologram technology, meaning fans could soon enjoy a surreal, hyper-realistic virtual Mark Zuckerberg performing in their living rooms. Those attending in person will be required to wear Oculus headsets so they can “truly experience the concert through the eyes of the algorithm.” Government officials have expressed varying amounts of concern regarding the patents of the headsets, ranging from “assistive visual aid” to “mind control,” but appear to have been bought off via black-market stock exchanges. Back to more important things, the VIP packages even come with an exclusive NFT of Zuckerberg awkwardly clapping at a normal human event!

While some fans are intrigued by the unexpected career shift, others are less enthusiastic. “I just don’t see how someone who struggles with basic human facial expressions is suddenly a rock star,” said one skeptical user on Facebook. Before the East Side News was able to reach out to them, however, their comment, along with their entire digital identity, mysteriously disappeared.

Even with  the criticism, early ticket sales are reportedly strong, being sold exclusively on Meta Marketplace for just 10,000 Dogecoin. Meanwhile, Elon Musk, never one to be outdone, has already tweeted that he too is launching a rival “X Factor” tour, featuring nothing but 10-hour synth loops of Tesla autopilot warning sounds and his organic glitches and reboot noises.

Despite the booming competition for Zuckerberg, he remains unfazed. In a recent Instagram Live, he, in what most experts in human behavior believe to be an attempt at a smile, made the following address to his fans: “This is only the beginning. First, we pass Taylor Swift in sales. Then, we march on Washing…. My bad, guys, wrong notes. Then, music will be more immersive, more connected, and more… monetizable.”

T-SWIZZLE: What to Know About Taylor Swift’s Newest Album

By: Jessica A. Dennehy

Swifties, brace yourselves—Taylor Swift has once again shattered expectations with her latest surprise drop, a full-fledged rap album titled T-SWIZZLE. The project, which debuted at midnight, is already being hailed as one of the most genre-bending moves in music history. This album fuses modern rap and classic hip-hop beats with Swift’s signature storytelling and emotional intensity.

With a jaw-dropping lineup of featured artists, T-SWIZZLE is already stirring massive buzz. The 13-track album includes some of the most unexpected collaborations in music history:

  1. The Pleasure of My Company
  2. Bare Minimum
  3. Eight Foot Flow (feat. Shaquille O’Neal)
  4. Did You Know?
  5. Shut Up (You Hurt My Feelings) (feat. Barron Trump)
  6. Look What You Did
  7. Certified Lover (feat Travis Kelce)
  8. You Belong on the Streets
  9. Seek Help! (feat. Eminem & Kidz Bop Choir) 
  10. I Hope You Know It’s Your Fault
  11. See You in Court (feat. Kanye West)
  12. The Consequences of My Own Actions
  13. Thug Story (feat.T-Pain)

As expected, Swift’s surprise drop has taken over streaming platforms, and industry experts predict T-SWIZZLE will break Drake’s record for most first-day Spotify streams. Meanwhile, Swifties have already begun attempting to decipher the easter eggs within the songs. One thing is certain—this is not just another era. This is T-Swizzle’s world, and we’re all just living in it.