Do you ever just hear someone say something so unbelievable you decide to vent frustration in a counter commentary in the school newspaper at 7:29 PM, EST, November 22nd, 2019? No? Well, I have, and it’s time to write. Thanksgiving is a holiday in which family gathers around to celebrate what they are thankful for, and Christmas is a holiday about trees and presents and reindeer, and uh… I forgot what Christmas was really about ever since I learned Santa doesn’t actually have a single origin across time, but is rather a massive conglomerate of many different folk characters associated with Christmas and the winter season. In fact, he gets his many nicknames such as Kris Kringle, Saint Nick, and others from said folk characters, but had merged into one identity over time as a result of cultural interaction across different regions. This has resulted in one superpowered Christmas icon named Santa, spreader of joy, bringer of gifts, and who does not exist. Sorry kids, time to learn the truth. Regardless, Thanksgiving is about thankfulness and Christmas is about something else. There is also a religious aspect of Christmas, as it is also traditionally a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus. On the contrary, Thanksgiving is not an inherently religious holiday. They are absolutely not the same, Mia >:(.
First of all, there’s no cool tree we decorate for Thanksgiving. Unless you enjoy gluing glass balls to turkeys, you can’t prepare for Christmas decorating with Thanksgiving. Besides, Thanksgiving is way less exciting in general and you can’t even compare it to Christmas. It’s just you and family for a weekend, but Christmas is way different because you have gifts to fool around with and keep you awake while aunt Karen explains how her natural plant remedies are the cure to cancer and that “no, we don’t need to give the kids vaccines, I don’t understand them, so I don’t like them”.
Next, Christmas is filled with love! There’s no love in Thanksgiving. Does Thanksgiving have a tradition to kiss people while standing under some specific plant? No, but Christmas does! It’s called mistletoe! I don’t think it actually exists in the wild, but I guess it does since we hang it up in houses. Unless you enjoy turkey juice on the ceiling, I don’t think anyone hangs up special Thanksgiving symbols of love and care for everyone.
Finally, does anyone remember what Christmas was actually about? Like, everyone knows Thanksgiving is about giving thanks thanks to someone giving the name Thanksgiving for a holiday about giving thanks. And Christmas is about Christ and mas based on this logic. Christ, as in Jesus Christ, but what is mas? And what does mas have to do with Jesus? I don’t know, but it certainly isn’t as on point as thanks and giving to make Thanksgiving.
Remember East, my opinions are 100% correct and unable to be argued with because they’re presented in the newspaper as satire. Satire translated out of Roman is a word that means “thorough and accurate”, in reference to spies and scouts in wars who delivered information to generals. To be a soldier honored as a satirical one was a great honor, and the editors decided that my opinion based article was so absolutely correct and impossible to argue against they have blessed it with such an honor. If you do happen to find a small mistake, I can assure you it was intentional with the intent of adding humor to a very serious and heavily debated topic to emphasize my point. Thank you for reading and remember, I am never wrong because I said so.
