Mr. Kubiak, the Snow Day Prophet

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This winter has been brutal, and it’s had a fair share of heavy snows. During this time of wintery wrath, many schools in the area closed on multiple occasions. But not Williamsville. Our district is notoriously stingy when it comes to snow days, only granting one “cold” day this year despite consistent heavy snows. Superintendent Scott Martzloff, despite the presumably constant stream of pleas and arguments from his children, usually airs on the side of there being school on a potential snow-day-day. Because Scott is also very tight lipped about his plans until they actually come to fruition, the art of predicting the snow day has become a coveted skill, and any individual or service capable of accurate prediction is well regarded during these snowy winter months.

There are several different methods for predicting a snow day. First, is the online snow day calculator. Plug in your zipcode and the number of snow days you’ve had this year, indicate that we’re a public school and hit enter to receive a percentage chance for a snow day. In reality, this calculator uses past data about snow days and of any current weather, among a smattering of other variables, ranging from the leniency of the administration (ours definitely falls into the “harsh” variety) to the day of the week and temperature at 7am that morning. It all sounds impressive and comprehensive, yet “snow day calculator” returns more false positives than someone having a panic attack in a polygraph.

So, instead of relying on this unreliable website, east students have turned to several other more unorthodox methods for predicting and “causing” snow days. While the slightly more typical methods of freezing spoons and flipping their sleepwear inside-out, there is a new and emerging method of predicting snow days that has proved to be accurate in the past: Mr. Kubiak. Here at East, Mr. Kubiak teaches science, and is best known for teaching Enviro. He is also our new crack snow day predictor. Teachers have learned that if, on the night before a predicted snow day, if they receive an email from Mr. Kubiak, it’s going to happen.

“He’s been pretty accurate so far,” said Mr. Huber, who has been spreading the good word about Mr. Kubiak’s predictive ability. “He will typically email a few days before a possible snow day, and will even provide a percentage chance of a day off.”

One of his emails, from the third of January, Mr. Kubiak cites the reasons that he based this positive prediction off (he was right!), saying “In most cases [of the -25 windchill], the district has usually closed schools under those circumstances.” In all, Mr. Kubiak has been a fairly reliable source, taking into account the more hardline approach of our district’s management alongside typical weather conditions.

Garrett Speller contributed to the reporting of this article.

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