Guess who’s back?
An Update on the Klein turkey
By Arya Pindiprolu
The infamous Klein turkey has returned! What has this roadside menace been up to lately? Well, as many of you probably know, the turkey has been stopping traffic by standing in its usual spot- the middle of the intersection. The turkey started causing chaos right on the first day of school. Senior Cameron Smith was spotted in the middle of the intersection trying to make a right turn onto Paradise, but failed due to a blockade formed by none other than the Klein turkey. He reluctantly got out of the car and tried to chase the turkey away, with no luck. Cameron said, “I’m not a giant fan of the turkey. I just want to get to school in peace.”
Many students, especially this school year, have had encounters with the turkey.
Serena Fan stated, “The turkey made me late to school.” The turkey has gone even farther than stopping traffic. Mackenzie Farbo stated, “The turkey pecked at my car!” Nicky Lazarov even observed a bus under assault by the turkey.
The student body have expressed strong opinions about the rights of the turkey, and why they believe the turkey is so attached to the intersection. Most student drivers interviewed said that they were anti-turkey in the sense that the turkey obstructed their ability to learn by making them late. Grace Yao believes that there may be something wrong with the turkey because he goes right up to moving cars putting itself in harm’s way.
Madeleine Maclean stated that the turkey is probably not afraid of the cars because he is so used to people stopping for him. However, they both agree that they don’t want the turkey to be run over.
Coming from the left field, Crystal Lu stated, “I can make a strong argument that this turkey is actually Christ. He’s been resurrected so many times.” (Crystal promises to provide additional evidence for this theory, and we will keep you updated as it comes.)
Faculty, such as Mrs. DeSantis, have also voiced their opinions about the Klein turkey to the East Side News. Mrs. DeSantis stated, “I don’t think the turkey has rights to the intersection because he needs to follow the same traffic protocol; otherwise, it’s not safe for him or us.” She followed up this claim with a theory that our problematic poultry is attracted to the buses.
“The turkey didn’t show up until the buses started their rounds right before school started,” DeSantis said.
The Klein turkey’s plot of land, that we have referred to as his home, has been replaced by the new house constructed on the corner of Paradise and Klein road. Anna Bella D’Amico, a self-proclaimed turkey advocate, argues that we have displaced the turkey from his home , hence his unusual behavior in the intersection. She believes he “enjoys making a spectacle”.
There may be more than just the destruction of the turkey’s home that has contributed to his behavior. Mrs. Warner has discovered that the Klein turkey has a family of about twelve baby turkeys, meaning that his nature of standing in the middle of the intersection and blocking cars from passing could be a reflection of his protective nature towards his family. In the words of Mrs. Warner “He don’t wanna go!”
So what can you do if the Klein turkey stands between you and Will East? Unfortunately, there is pretty much nothing you can do except try to arrive at school before the turkey assumes his position in the intersection around 7:25 (most days).
Honking, shouting, and shooing the turkey, as demonstrated every morning before school, yield no results. Mrs. Warner’s biggest question is…Will the turkey show up without an invitation to the ribbon ceremony?
