by Vivek Sinha and Owen Ivancic
Chipmunk Debunk
When God created the world, he blessed us with three deities: Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. Such great minds such as Aristotle, Plato, Voltaire, and John Locke have all debated which of the three munks are the most powerful. For those of you that don’t know, Alvin and the Chipmunks are the greatest band of our generation. They debuted in the late 1950s as a television cartoon, but recently had a revival in the mid-2000s filmographic masterpiece, Alvin and the Chipmunks and the subsequent four films. Each of the sequels has music that combines the greatness of Mozart’s eloquent notes, Elvis Presley’s catchy beats, and Playboi Carti’s use of undecipherable language. Simon, the tall nerdy one with glasses, able to do quick maths in his big-big brain. He is the bassist of the band. Theodore, able to consume the masses with his big-big belly. He plays the drums. Alvin wears a red hoodie. The greatest debate of all time, I am here to give the final answer. Although the mainstream media may try to convince you that Alvin is most popular, according to my own independent survey conducted from 9/18/19 to 9/19/19, only 33 of 147 people voted for Alvin as the superior squirrel. Theodore consumed 72 votes, an immense 49% of the population. Simon stands in the middle with 38.6% of the votes. I am personally very biased for Theodore, as he reps DBlock gang with his green hoodie, but the Simon viewpoint is also very valid and a close second. People also like Alvin. The reasons for Theodore being the best Chipmunk is due to his very cushiony soft cheeks, his ability to down corn dogs very quickly, and his personality. By using stats, facts, and logic, Theodore is the most loved choice for the best chipmunk, with Simon being a close second. Alvin also is a chipmunk in the band.
Obama Meme Takes on New Life
What is my purpose? Why am I here? These are some of the most asked questions throughout time. One has surfaced in recent years: What is Obama’s last name? This question has confused many, even shocked scholars. At first glance it may seem like a simple question, his last name is obviously Oba- wait. How can Obama’s last name… be Obama? This question has flourished in recent months, with many people on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter asking this humorous statement. Whether or not people are being serious or joking, this topic has been shared on the likes of Reddit and Instagram.
Recently this inquiry has had a revival, with a new format on YouTube. This format shows people doing funny acts that defy the laws of time, science, and even space, with captions similar to “This is how the person who knows Obama’s last name ____.” Lots of different types of media with this kind of format are being created and spread (like one for Dr. Phil), where people do unrealistic things and are labeled as people who can do/know unrealistic things. These pictures and videos set out to show that people who know answers to simple, yet intriguing questions like the Obama one are somehow otherworldly.
It is said that humans only use 10% of their true brainpower. Maybe 90% has the secret to these questions, and maybe unlocking those questions will show us how to do these acts that the people who know the answers already learned.
