For years, the broomball game at Post Prom has been legendary in and of itself. However, the wall-less halls of Williamsville East High School has never experienced anything quite this big. Every eighteen years, there is potential for the stars to align in the night sky over the dancing shadows of the soon-to-be graduating class of East high school in a way that has otherworldly effects on the epic ice battle. It is 2014, and NASA has contacted Mr. Taylor that among the senior class, a boy has been raised in East Amherst and is prophesied to be the one to lead his class to victory and overthrow his father at all costs.
The teachers have tried everything they can to tie knots in the lifelines of this team, from arranging to have the school “renovated” during the Class of 2014’s last few weeks to make them feel less at home and hopefully throw their focus off The Game, to countless attempts at smack talk woven obsessively into class material in order to make a few low blows in the classroom when the seniors are least suspecting an attack. With only a few hours left before it all goes down, The East Side has taken this story to the very individuals involved in order to gain a better perspective of what is to come. Buckle your seatbelts, everyone. This is one ride you don’t want to miss.
While none of this is true, even if Colin Greenway is challenging his father Mr. Greenway this year, both sides exaggerate the circumstances of the much-heralded broomball game at Post Prom. At midnight following the dance at the Hyatt, students will partake in a broomball game not unlike those that the senior class has participated in during their gym classes over the last four years, except this time they will be playing on the ice at the Northtown Center against their teachers, rather than against each other on the floor of the gym. Each game will consist of ten minute shifts and the score from each game will be carried over to the next shift as the night progresses. This has been the tradition at East for more than eight years, since the PTSA and others became concerned about providing a safe option for students to party following the prom in order to limit any alternative plans that could cause harm to the students.
According to Mr. Kubiak, aka “J. Bristles”, the true reason for The Game is to “Defeat seniors at any cost, make sure they cry, go home to their mommies, suck their thumbs with their blankies.” His teammates seem to share this attitude, as Mr. Meyer, added that, “The amount of shots the kids take, we could put a broom lying down as goalie.” Simply put, the teachers don’t seem all that concerned about the Class of 2014, as both Zelasko and Fey-Daley perceived their biggest challenge would be, “Staying awake.”
Meanwhile, the senior class seems to disagree with Kubiak’s assessment, although some are more vengeful than others. Matt Mangione sees The Game as an opportunity, stating that, “They smack us in the face with assignments and tests all year and now we get revenge by hitting them in the face with rubber brooms. It’s basically the same.” His classmate, Prabhu Sasankan, had the same take-no-prisoners approach, but didn’t sense that the teachers would be much of a threat. “All I’m saying is, I disregard the nonbelievers who think that there’s no hope. This is our year to beat the teachers. You’re gonna see me on the ice,like I’m telling you, 103 fever, I’m on the ice. It doesn’t matter. Michael Jordan style. I’m carrying it this time, you can count on me because I just believe that the teachers are going down. I don’t understand why classes fail to succeed against the teachers, like literally it’s just not even going to be an option. We’re going to win.” Sasankan’s light attitude towards the teachers is shared by fellow senior, Noelle Abdallah, who, although doubting her own abilities to be a game-changer, claimed, “I’m not that bad compared to the teachers.”
The confident attitude of the teachers may stem from the fact that this team is loaded with experienced players, although this factor is becoming increasingly less daunting as the roster continues to dwindle heading into the home stretch. Prior to dropping out, Mr. Meyer was interviewed about his own experience with the sport, to which he responded, “I won multiple championships in college in both coed and men’s division.” This was the most impressive of the teacher resumes, but it has now become obsolete. Then there’s the absence of renowned goalie Paul “The Wall” Horton, too, and the rumors that a chair will replace him (so maybe Meyer’s idea about putting a broom in goal wasn’t just a joke). Kubiak added that, “We felt this was actually an upgrade. Chair’s tougher to beat. It’s more mobile than Mr. Horton, and more interesting to talk to.”
In response to this, Richard Patti said, “Doesn’t even phase me. The chair will probably be harder to score on, quite honestly, but I think we are up for the challenge.” His peer, Sasankan, wasn’t aware of the change, or even of the original goaltender. “Mr. Who? Who’s replacing him?” asked Sasankan, “All I would like to say is that we saw what happened when Clint Eastwood used a chair to sub in for somebody. We saw the results. It’s not pretty. If they want to try that, that would be great. It makes my life easier, but I expect them not to succeed.” Still, the teachers have some other notable standouts that haven’t retracted their spot on the ice, such as Ms. Kobis, known by her teammates as Europa, who has been playing “competitive broomball at Leisure Rinks for many years.”
As for the equally-as-confident seniors, the team has a few players worth mentioning, as well, but many have only ever experienced dry-land broomball in the gym for a period of a few days each year, or in the backyard against their dog, as is the case with Lorna LiPuma. Erika Caggiano believes that “the teachers have some weird black magic going on because they always seem to win like 22-0. It’s also hard to walk,” citing her lack of experience as a possible reason for both. Patti agreed with her, but did not seem altogether too daunted by the idea, stating that the biggest challenge about broomball is “[p]robably having to play on ice instead of the gym floor. That, or trying not to embarrass the teachers too much.”
Luckily for the senior class, among their gym-based pasts lies a broomball golden child, Sasankan, who is ready and willing to take the reins, saying, “Well, after I left Russia, I used to play in the BHL there for a few years- ya know then politics and stuff and I had to leave the country- and so I’ve basically been playing in the BMJHL for a few years. You have to be really good for them. I think that I have enough experience that I will be able to really be a leader for this year’s squad. I think the biggest challenge will be Mr. Huber’s beard because it is so flowing that it really interferes with the players’ ability to concentrate. So, I personally will be wearing war paint to reduce the glare of Mr. Huber’s beard. I think that having a beard is an unfair advantage. I mean how many kids in our grade can have a beard that they can use. It’s like real, like. That’s one of my main priorities, is overcoming that obstacle.” Sasankan also addressed some of his teammates’ concerns, reassuring them that all they have to do to be successful at The Game is, “Play our game, execute what we know how to do, believe in ourselves. I do have a religious ceremony prepared for those who wish to participate just so that the broomball gods are on our side. Also, their side of the ice is going to be melted. I’ve orchestrated for that. The Indian Mafia will be taking care of that, so no need to worry.” Violence, however, is prohibited.
According to Kobis, “Broomball rules follow most hockey rules; no high-sticking, stay out of the goalie’s crease, and additionally, (only in broomball) no contact, (no checking).” If someone breaks one of these rules, Kobis pointed out that both faculty and students are the actual enforcers. “Abiding by the rules will be on the honor system. High-sticking is a major infraction. We don’t want anyone to be in danger. Well, except for the senior class, they’re already in danger of losing their pride.”
Unfortunately for Sasankan and the senior class, the teachers seem to believe that they already have the supernatural squarely on their side. When asked about the rules of broomball, the consensus among the teachers was that it mostly consisted of one rule- “Teachers win.” Where did this rule come from? Mr. Moose had the answer to that question, “They’re divine,” and his answer to the follow up question about who enforces the rules, he simply glared and repeated, “They’re divine.” With that said, the Class of 2014 may need to plan on taking their opponents a bit more seriously. Yet, when both teams are taking The Game as seriously as they are, intense attention to detail in preparation for Post Prom was a given. This includes dietary, physical, and mental preparation in the form of egg yolks- just the yolks- for Sasankan, pumping iron at the gym for Angel Criden, dancing hard for four hours for Abdallah, Patti, and Mangione, and both LiPuma and Mostowy made a point of saying that their preparation will be done “in my mind,” because as Mostowy put it, “Of course I’m mentally ready, because this isn’t amateur hour, it’s the real deal.”
Well, Mr. Freeze, sometimes referred to as Dr. Redmond, thinks there is just one hurdle that the seniors must surmount, “There is only one letter separating the teachers from the seniors. We’re champs, you’re chumps.”
Regardless of the intense rivalry brewing, everyone is looking forward to Post Prom. Mrs. Bailey said, “It is SO much fun! Something we look forward to each year! It’s one of the highlights of the year for me!” So, at least it won’t be a total bloodbath. “Plus, there’s free food!” added Caggiano.
by Theresa Meosky
