Why I think mushrooms are the worst thing in the world

Photo: Hans Middendorp

Have you ever thought about why mushrooms even exist? No? Well, I’m here to give my opinion on why I think that mushrooms are the worst thing in the world. First of all, they have many egregious negative side effects, like sometimes causing slight tiredness in a few consumers who have fungi allergies. But not only do they cause tiredness, they can sometimes even cause headaches! These effects alone are enough to turn away even the most courageous pioneers of cuisine. 

In addition, many people are ill-educated about the dangers of mushrooms and ingest mushrooms they found without any sort of precaution, which leads to poisoning and even death. Sure, some mushrooms are “edible”, but I think that these risks and side effects are hardly worth the joy of consuming a little knob of mycelium. Some people will even pay an absurd amount for just a slice of shroom – search up “truffle shavings” on Google and you’ll see what I mean. 

However, mushrooms can do much more than just make you terribly sick or broke. They can cause very serious problems inside structures like houses with the right conditions: a moist environment with low light levels and organic matter. One of the favorite places for a mushroom to grow is inside a bathroom. They grow in very unnoticeable places like the ceiling, under the sink, and possibly even in that one crack on the wall you made with your head while trying to climb on top of the bathroom counter when you were a kid…? No? 

Regardless of location, you usually do not notice these shrooms until you are in the middle of doing something important. For example, that one time you were taking a shower and you spotted the cap of a small white mushroom in the corner of the tub, the mere sight filling you with the realization that you were sharing your laid-back bath with a colony of rapidly multiplying fungi. These mushrooms will continue to grow, causing all sorts of mayhem behind the scenes; they can even cause wooden beams supporting the house to rot and collapse. 

From “culinary” mushrooms to house-destroying fungi, I see no good in mushrooms, so let me leave you with my formal opinion on mushrooms – “not worth it, man”.

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